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"What's taking them so long?!"
by Aaron Schaub (1/3 of Slow)
Well, the Story of Slow begins during the Spring Semester of 1996 at Bowling Green, Ohio in the apartment of one Kristin Gaddis. There just happened to be an impromptu gathering of the Prout Table Clan for the purposes of watching the X-files and getting just a little more drunk than we should. The entire brew-ha-ha was organized, as usual, by using the Prout Table Listproc. During the course of the brew-ha-ha organization it was suggested by one Janet Evans (not the Olympic swimmer) that we make Jolly Ranchers, a drink that tastes like the Green Apple variation of its namesake. Janet had particular affection for this beverage because a week or so prior to the brew-ha-ha she had been hit-on by either the bar tender or some regular Joe that bought her one while a small faction of the Prout Folks were out dancing and getting drunk at Uptown.
Anyway, the evening was one of the many cold, wet, and blustery evenings that BG is famous for and three gentlemen by the names of Z, Justin, and Schaub were tasked with the Quest for Jolly Rancher Ingredients.
Well, Our gallant group of three set off out into the icy tundra to look for Melon schnapps and some other spirits to make the desired concoction. It was a Friday night in a college town and so our heroes thought for sure that the State Liquor Store would be open at 7:00 in the evening. Well, this was the first in a series of bad assumptions to be made by this trio. The Liquor Store closed at 7:00. This didn’t set our heroes back for long as Kroger’s was right next to the Liquor Store and was known to carry a variety of alcohol. But alas, no melon schnapps were to be found.
At this point Z, Justin, and Schaub put their heads together to determine their options. There were about three other stores in BG that might have the necessary ingredients for the Jolly Ranchers. It was decided that the ill-fated trio would try the three establishments in order of geographical proximity and if by the last establishment they could not find the ingredients then they would buy the fixings for the old standby, Strawberry Daiquiris.
Well, after hitting the first two stores it was decided that there were no Melon schnapps to be found in the city of Bowling Green that night and so plan B should be implemented. This required a bit of back-tracking to a previous store to get some of the ingredients for the daiquiris and a little debating of whether or not to just be wild and crazy and get some interesting kinds of schnapps other than Melon to drink straight.
Well, Z, Justin, and Schaub finally got all of the ingredients and found their way back to the Gaddis residence at about 9:00. This has been 2 hours to purchase 2-3 bottles of alcohol. As our heroes entered the apartment they were immediately ridiculed and labeled "Slow" and each one of the trio was labeled "1/3 Slow." I believe that it was Stephanie Baker that gave us the title.
After that night whenever Z, Justin, and Schaub were out doing anything together people expected us to take twice as long as expected and each one of the three thereafter could be as late as they wanted and use the excuse "Hey, I’m 1/3 of Slow, what do you expect?" It is an excuse that works until this day.
| Note from Jeremy Zawodny: The Team Slow story wouldn't be complete without mention of the Team Slow T-Shirts. A few weeks after the Team Slow name "stuck," a group of us was up in Toledo at a Tom Gorman performance when someone suggested that we create Team Show T-Shirt--a sort of uniform to make us more like a real team, I suppose. So, Kacky, Aaron, Justin, and others began the process of designing the T-Shirt. No less than a week later, the three of us had our very own Team Slow T-Shirts. If I manage to get a decent picture of one of them, I'll be sure to include it here. |
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Updated: April 20th, 1997