What follows is a true story sent to me (and a few other friends) by a friend who we'll refer to as Bob. Only names have been changed. I laughed my ass off while reading it. You may or may not, since you do not know Bob. But I couldn't let the story remain in obscurity.

"Bob" and "Sam" recently had this adventure.

Here's how it happened:

Yesterday afternoon my friend Sam comes into my office and tells me that his car was stolen. I ask him where he was when it was taken. He tells me that he was visiting a client of his in one of the worse neighborhoods of Hartford (he's a social worker for the state department of mental retardation).

I realize that I used to live not so far from there and that I own a couple of buildings within a one mile radius. I call some of my boys who live in that hood and I put the word out to look for his car. In the mean time, I drive him to the police station and he reports the car as being stolen.

A little bit later I get some feedback from my peeps and they tell me that they saw a drug dealer who goes by the name "Bones" driving the car. I make a few further inquiries and I find out the cellular phone number of this guy.

My friend starts calling him every 30 seconds. "Bones" ain't picking up. Finally, I decide to call him. He picks up and the following dialogue transpires:

Bones: Who dis?

Me: That doesn't matter Bones...

Bones: Who dis?

Me: I'm the guy who was trained by the IDF who's going to get my friend's car back.

Bones: What's da IDF?

Me: That means that I was trained to take down terrorists and other scum bags, many of whom are a hundred times smarter than you. And, unfortunately for you, I owe my friend Sam some favors.

Bones: Oh Shit. (Hangs up)

So I spend the next few minutes trying to get in touch with him and I keep getting his voice mail. I got sick of him dodging my calls pretty quickly so I did a reverse lookup on his phone number. It doesn't give me his name, but it does tell me that he's running off of Omnipoint Communications (AKA T-Mobile) and I find that their nearest center is in Bloomfield, CT, not too far from the place in Hartford where the car was stolen.

I go to the T-Mobile web page and find the instructions for programming voice mail, I call into his phone again and find that he is still dodging my calls. Anyway, I press the * key and it asks for my password; I enter the last four digits of his phone number. That drops me into his main menu. From there I reprogrammed his voicemail password and listened to his messages (he had 15 and his mailbox was already full).

After doing this, I changed his message to, "If you're trying to reach Bones, you should know that he is a car thief and he is being watched." After doing this, I decided to really get his attention, I had written down the names and phone numbers of his "clients" and started calling them. The calls went something like this:

Al: Hello?

Me: I'm looking for Bones.

Al: Who dis?

Me: I'm the guy who has been listening to Bones's voicemail. You buy drugs from him and I can forward that voicemail to thousands of people if you don't get in touch with Bones and tell him to return the car he stole.

Al: I don't know Bones.

Me: Then why are you leaving him voicemessages, asking for drugs? Maybe I need a second and a third and a hundredth opinion in the matter. Have Bones call me soon, or else lots of people will be hearing the message that you left for him.

(Hang up)

Within a few minutes Bones was trying to call my friend. He was exploding:

Bones: Why are you messing my shit up like this?

Sam: You stole my car you (expletive deleted)! Bring it back NOW or things will get a lot worse.

The two continued screaming at each other. Bones was upset because he couldn't do business and my friend was upset because he wanted his car. In the mean time, I was calling information and telling them, "I found a cellular phone with thus and such a number and it is a T-Mobile phone. I was wondering if you could tell me to whom I could mail it?" I got the guys info., but wanted to save it for later, in case I needed to intimidate him further (I would).

After all of this, they set a place where they would meet. It was on the corner of Sumner and Asylum, not the best neighborhood in Hartford. It was mostly crack houses and such. However, it was close enough to the business district and some other important institutions that there would be enough traffic to esnure SOME safety.

We drive by the first time and the car isn't there. Granted, I drove by quickly because I didn't want to be spotted as a mark, but we were really certain that it wasn't there.

I call up Bones and the conversation goes:

Me: Hey Boney, you lied to me. I don't like it when people lie to me.

Bones: Who dis?

Me: I'm the guy who hacked your voicemail Boney and you're making me mad. Things are going to be getting worse really quickly Boney.

Bones: I didn't like to you, I was there!

Me: I saw the corner Boney, you lied to me. Now you've got me driving around, wasting my gas, I've killed people for less Boney.

Bones: Don't give me that!

Me: Don't tell me what to give you Boney, or should I say Tyrene?

Bones: What?

Me: Yeah, I know where you live too Boney. I'll blow up your whole block if I have to.

Bones: I don't have a block.

Me: Then I'll blow up your whole head Boney.

Bones: (Hangs up)

We drive past the corner a second time and there's still nothing. I call up Bones again.

Me: Bones stop lying to me. It's making me very upset. I don't like it when people talking on Motorola cellular phones on T-Mobile Networks being run off of an antenna in Bloomfield lie to me.

Bones: You're going to get your shit! Quit calling me!

Me: Hey Boney, just get yourself over here or things are going to get really bad really quickly. I'm getting really upset.

Bones: (Hangs up)

So we go around the block again and check the corner and (shockingly) the car still isn't there. I try to call Bones and he isn't taking my calls. I try a few more times (unsuccessfully) and then I borrow my friend's phone. This time he picks up:

Bones: Why have you got your boy after me? You're gonna get your car. (He sounded really really frightened at this point)

Me: It's me again Boney. I'm tired of your lies...

Bones: (Interupting) I'LL GET YOU THE CAR!!!

Me: I don't believe you anymore Boney, and now I've got to take other steps.

Bones: (Hangs up)

We decide to go home, because we figure that he's playing us and that we'd do better to leave the matter to the police. I'm about to drop him off at his place, when I decide to call him once more:

Me: Boney, I just wanted to let you know that you're in for big trouble.


Now I realize that he's really left the car there and has left the scene. We drive back quickly and find that Bones has left the car with its headlights on and it is blasting rap music while the engine idled.

My friend quickly checked the car, got in and drove home. I realized that Bones was not entirely stupid. He knew exactly how to leave a car in order to make people think that it belonged to a gangster so that they would leave it alone.

I reprogrammed his voicemail so that he could use it again, and then called him up:

Me: Bones, I just wanted to thank you for doing the honorable thing at last. (It was already about 10:30PM) Your voicemail is back to normal.

Bones: Fuck You. (Hangs up)

My friend calls the cops to report that he found the car, and the cops can't believe that a couple of Jews went into the worst neighborhoods of Hartford and managed to shake down a drug dealer.

Posted by jzawodn at July 26, 2004 02:55 PM

Reader Comments
# Arcterex said:

Great (and funny) story, true or not :)

on July 26, 2004 04:09 PM
# jasun said:

There was a thing online that can produce sketches of a conversation, running it through that would be funny..

Not sure on a link though, someone might know it?

on July 26, 2004 04:53 PM
# Me said:

Bones doesn't sound like much of a drug dealer. I'm not sure how you do it in CT. Where I'm from they focus on making money and farm out minor things like jack'n for cars. Bones sounds more like a fool. In fact 99% of the people in the game are fools. Just taking up space, jail space that is. Fools are given too much credit; they're more dangerous to themselves than anyone. In reality, if Bones was a baller he wouldn't steal cars and run the risk of a GTA.

Funny story!

Good for you and your friend.

on July 26, 2004 06:19 PM
# Dirk said:

You surely could make a funny short movie of it :)

on July 27, 2004 11:54 AM
# CopyRat said:

HAHA.. Nice work! Funny story....

on July 28, 2004 02:23 AM
# tricky said:

You guys got any ideas to help me get my stolen cell phone back? I did something similar and told the guy that I was sending the cops to every number he called until he decided to meet me and drop off my phone. . .no dice.

on August 3, 2004 01:30 PM
# HeXt said:

Hahah good stuff!!!!

on August 6, 2004 12:56 PM
# Louie said:

Wow. holy wow. that's just freakin' amazing. Props all around! You've made my evening. :D

on August 6, 2004 11:33 PM
# Pat J said:

Wow, that story was amazing. I actually truly believe it aswell. He sounds more like a moron more then anything, I doubt he is anything more then a low level pusher as is. Anyone with true ambition and a place in the game wouldn't run the risk of a GTA let alone almost anyone that's deep in the game like that just sits in their house and stacks paper with very little traffic comming in and old aswell.

on September 30, 2004 09:43 PM
# Flatline said:

man fuck you this is some buuuuuuullshit any real drug dealer is gonna keep it real and wait for you to come and blow your fucking brains out and not beleive some fucking phone nerd

on January 3, 2005 07:19 PM
# Michelle said:

I want to meet your friend, "Bob". E-mail me back or call me at 1-206-424-2010 and have him leave me a message.

on July 12, 2005 02:34 PM
# Boa said:

that is the worst story ive ever heard if you were in my area your car would have been chopped in 15 minutes and they would have shot you when you went to get the car and like the other people said real drug dealers dont steal cars they own cars only small time runners steal cars or junkies

on November 1, 2005 10:17 AM
# Bob said:

Many of you are correct. This fellow is a small-time pusher. He figured that he would steal the car, run around town for a couple of hours to make a few deals and then trash it.

As far as him waiting for me to kill me, I wasn't terribly worried. After doing police work in the Old City of Jerusalem and dealing with suicide bombers and some pretty other nasty types of people, a crack pusher wasn't going to intimidate me. I was trained to deal with war zones. Hood rats are no big deal.

on November 11, 2005 08:21 AM
# nationalist said:

doesn't matter what your trained for - a bullet will still pierce into your head and kill you and you don't need to be dangerous to pull a trigger

on February 12, 2006 05:59 PM
# ASCII said:

I dunno, sounded like a good story to me. The only thing I wouldnt have done, was just drive up to the spot. I would have drove around the neighborhood or something, see if my car was there...Not just walk right up to the scene. Hell, bones could be one crazy mofo and actually want to cap your ass. Wouldnt have gone that far, but then again, I might not have gotten my car back without the police. Good work, man.

on June 9, 2006 11:05 PM
# T-Mack said:

It was great story, I'll take it for face value, just a story.

on September 1, 2006 11:36 AM
# John said:

Great! Even I couldn't stop myself laughing out madly after reading through the conversation.

on September 12, 2006 06:45 AM
# aceboogie said:

...listen to this guy brag about working for the IDF and handling suicide bombers. he was probably some computer nerd who wrote articles about real soldiers...i stay in homicide hartford, if your whip gets stolen they chop it and move it to NY by the time you even realize its gone. "reprogram his voicemail", nigga you aint jack bauer, he was just a lame and you got lucky. real recognize real, but youre a faggot so you think youre slick.

on April 6, 2010 01:45 AM
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