Inspired as the result of reading a comment made by a friend in a long e-mail thread recently, I finally decided to see if I could think about this in a structured manner long enough to write it down and make sense of it all. That was a long sentence. --- snip --- What do I look for in a potential mate? (Today, at least.) Attitude. More than anything else, the attitude I see in another person is what determines if I'm interested or not. This encompasses a lot, but I like people who are generally positive, happy, energetic, interested in learning, willing to take a chance, intelligent, caring, and opinionated. I don't care for people who put themselves down, have confidence problems, or don't think they're good enough. I can't stand it when someone says "I don't care" in response to most questions. Like the engraved rock which sits atop my bookcase says, "Attitude is everything." Period. Inner Beauty. What makes this person different than everyone else in the world? Does she see the world a bit differently than everyone else? Does she have an uncanny way of finding the good in anything? Is she an exceptional teacher and learner? Is there something contagious about her? What makes her shine? Is it her courage, independence, and determination? Maybe it's her patience, thoughtfulness, and tenderness. Outer Beauty. Someone has to get my attention before I'll ever notice them. This doesn't mean she has to be a model with a body to drool for. Historically it has meant that she probably has one or two characteristics that I notice. Maybe she has a smile that could melt a glacier. Maybe she has nice legs. Maybe she looks great in red or blue or green or... There's no magic formula. Everyone is different. There are so many people who have caught my attention long enough for me to think about whether I'd ever want to date them. Each of them was different. They didn't all fit any particular pattern. Even those I've dated don't really fit a pattern [that I see]. It might make matters easier if I just said "long blonde hair, blue eyes, these measurements, and so on" but I don't. That's not me. This is actually one of those areas in my life where the answer is more subjective, artistic, and holistic. The usual patterns, formulae, requirements, or preconceptions don't apply. Compatibility. To a certain degree, we have to like similar things. That goes without saying, which is why I'm saying it. Too much overlap, though, and neither of us has enough latitude to discover things on our own. We need our own domains, separate and apart from each other. Not enough overlap, and neither of us can fathom why the other spends so much time on this or that. We'd find ourselves spending long amounts of time together and running out of things to talk about and things to do.